Improve your conversations with the One-Word Question

Make active listening a habit and easily keep conversations flowing by using the One-Word Question technique.

Why it matters

It seems every book I’ve read on better communication talks about the importance of active listening…

But never presents a quick and easy hack to get started.

I developed the One-Word Question hack out of my authentic relating training and the skill of Reflective Listening.

I love it because…

• It breaks me out of focus on myself to focus on the speaker and actually hear the words they say.
• The speaker feels heard and becomes more invested in the conversation.
• I build the connections I always wanted.

The backstory

At my Toastmasters meeting last week, a presenter spoke about communication styles. Among the styles, he mentioned his wife is relational and he is analytical.

• Relational: Works to build connection.
• Analytical: Works to build understanding.

Here’s the part that mattered to me:

• As an analytical communicator, he goes quiet to process what she said. To her, the silence breaks the connection and angers her.

As a more analytical communicator myself, but one who wants that relational connection, I realized how grateful I am to have the One-Word Question because it avoids the silence.

This habit is so internalized at this point that I rarely think about it unless something brings it to mind.

Step-by-step

The One-Word Question is simple to learn and use.

While the speaker is speaking, notice one word that sticks out to you.

• It’s said louder or with more emphasis.
• It’s emotionally charged as demonstrated by a facial expression.
• It’s vague and I don’t understand what the speaker means.

After the speaker stops speaking, repeat that one word with your voice rising as a question.

The speaker will usually clarify it expand the thought behind the word. This keeps the conversation progressing with deeper understanding.

One warning, though: Don’t do it more than a few times in the conversation. Otherwise, it feels like parroting or bad therapy.

The bottom line

Active listening doesn’t have to be complicated. Little hacks like the One-Word Question makes connection through conversation easier.

Try this technique a couple of times in your next conversation and watch how it affects the speaker and the connection.

Until next week!

Philip